Not All Abusers Are Spouses And/Or Boyfriends/Girlfriends

Not all abusers are spouses and/or boyfriends/girlfriends sometimes they can be strangers, family or friends and not all abuses is physical, I can be verbal, emotional or mental abuse. Abuse as you see comes in many forms and can be from anyone anywhere anytime so beware...

Do You Feel Alone, Insecure, Mislead, Hurt, Angry, Disappointed, Afraid, Dismayed, etc? If You Said Yes, You're Not Alone...

Do you feel alone, insecure, mislead, hurt, angry, disappointed, afraid, dismayed, etc? If you I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many more in this world that feel as you do even when you feel you must be the only one feeling like that. Domestic violence knows no social boundaries, no economic boundaries, it can affect anyone in any country in any town and even in any church. It has no preference and no shame. Domestic violence is such an ugly part of our society today and has been for decades upon decades. It is sad that it happens so frequently and many if not all times the victim will try to justify the abuse as being something they said or did. I know I did the same thing every time I was in an abusive relationship/marriage. I made excuse after excuse after excuse instead of seeing it for what it was their angry being transferred through them via abuse to me and it's the same in you or situation as well if you are in fact being abused. We may give them reason to be angry but it in no way is an excuse for them to be abusive. Victims live in torment yet we have to choose to get out when can do so safely and we must choose not to return to that abusive person. You must think enough of yourself to know that you and your children deserve better. also by you or staying in the situation it sets your children up to be abused while there and/or to grow up to be abusive and/or in abusive relationships themselves. I realized this too late and by not only being in abusive relationships/marriages I set a very bad example for my children when I was. I have now been alone per se since 2007 vs being abused. That is not to say I will never be in another relationship/marriage it is just to say I'd rather be alone than abused. It takes courage to get out, but you have it if you dig deep within to find the courage and to get get support from others and to make a plan to get out of the abusive situation.

Originally posted in my blog Surviving Victimization

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome"

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome" 
I believe many women/men who have been in or are still in abusive relationships/marriages have what I call "The Puppy Dog Syndrome" where we see what appears to be a hurting adorable loving man/woman, much like an adorable loving puppy who seems to need us when in fact they are a biting breed only their bites are from their words and fists. We see them as the first and think, Oh I can help him/her because he/she has been hurt and needs me then we realize they aren't so adorable and loving, then we think, Oh it's alright because I can love him/her enough for them to change. Well sadly ladies and gentlemen you can't love them enough for them change especially when they don't want to change. They may have many reasons for the abuse they give out but in reality their is no excuse. They refuse to get help and are sure to blame you for their abuse many were abused themselves and /or saw their parent abused yet they choose not to break the cycle instead of breaking you and if they don't then you have to break the cycle of violence you are enduring by getting out safely asap. Do not let yourself get into The Puppy Dog Syndrome again. I did it over and over and it has cost me dearly and it nearly cost me my life and possibly that of my children more than once. Be wiser, choose wiser and be safe. tcc

"Someone Going To Church Doesn't Always Mean They Have Changed"

Don't think just because someone goes to church that they can't be mean/violent. There are many abusers that go to church and many being abused that go to church. Do not let them use the church to cover what they are doing to you. Many will not only go to church but will participate on the pulpit singing, preaching etc they do this to keep others form knowing how they truly are when at home behind closed doors, now that is not to say that all who go to church are like that so please do not misunderstand. I just know from experience it does happen as I was married to a man who did just that. I do believe that God can deliver an abusive person from being violent after all He saved and delivered Paul who had many Christian's killed so He can do it for others but only if they want to be saved and change. You can't love someone enough for them to change they have to want to. I know I have tried, even God can't and won't force someone to change. He gave us all a free will to choose to serve Him or not, to choose to do good and not harm etc... It's all about choices theirs and yours. So please choose wisely even if they don't

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome"

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome" 
I believe many women/men who have been in or are still in abusive relationships/marriages have what I call "The Puppy Dog Syndrome" where we see what appears to be a hurting adorable loving man, much like an adorable loving puppy who seems to need us when in fact they are a biting breed only their bites are from their words and fists. We see them as the first and think, Oh I can help him/her because he/she has been hurt and needs me then we realize they aren't so adorable and loving, then we think, Oh it's alright because I can love him/her enough for them to change. Well sadly ladies and gentlemen you can't love them enough for them change especially when they don't want to change. They may have many reasons for the abuse they give out but in reality their is no excuse. They refuse to get help and are sure to blame you for their abuse many were abused themselves and /or saw their parent abused yet they choose not to break the cycle instead of breaking you and if they don't then you have to break the cycle of violence you are enduring by getting out safely asap. Do not let yourself get into The Puppy Dog Syndrome again. I did it over and over and it has cost me dearly and it nearly cost me my life and possibly that of my children more than once. Be wiser, choose wiser and be safe. tcc

Take The Negative Hurt In Your Life And Turn It To A Positive

For years the childhood sexual abuse haunted and nearly destroyed me, but now I take my pain and turn it to positive energy to try to tell others that they are not a defined by the abuse the y endured and that they can begin living as survivors and also help others for in helping others know that they can make it through it we in turn help reassure ourselves. We have lived through it and must not continue to live in it in our mind over and over daily. It isn't easy but it can be done. I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't but I can tell you as a survivor myself that when you use the negative as a positive it does make life easier for you emotionally and in many other ways. We can't change what was done to us, but we can help others because we went through it too.  tcc

Many Christian's Are Also Victim's of Domestic Violence At Home

If you think that domestic violence doesn't affects Christian's then you are wrong, it happens more often than not. Sadly it is such a hidden thing that even most pastor's don't even know when someone in their church is being affected by DV. In my opinion churches need to implement free literature on DV and support systems for that area as many could benefit from it and that could be the only place they can get the information form when in a DV situation and sometimes not even then. Those who are affected by DV have learned to hide the pain behind a smile many because they feel ashamed and scared. Do not look down on anyone in such a situation, you cannot understand if you have not been in that situation. Most victim's are fearful of not only the abuser but also of judgment from others if they were to learn of their situation. You cannot force anyone out of a DV situation, but you can offer prayer, love and support. Domestic violence isn't limited just to physical violence it also can include but not limited to the following,verbal, emotional and mental abuse etc.If someone tells you that you are stupid, incompetent, ignorant, ugly, etc that is a form of abuse, if someone blames you for their bad behavior and makes you feel guilty for their choices that is a form of abuse, if they guilt you with threats of leaving and/or suicide that is a form of manipulative abuse, etc. Know that you are not alone, that there are options, support groups and ways to get out. Do not let others shame you for what you are going through. Put God first, pray and ask Him to show you what to do and where to go. You are always welcome to comment here or private inbox me at tchristi41@aol.com I am not a Dr. or a certified counselor I am however a survivor of domestic abuse, childhood sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, severe obesity, etc. I am here to help if I can.
Also check out www.whengeorgiasmiles.org a site that Dr. Phil's wife stared that has a free app to help keep you safe, I hope you will go to the site and check it out and download the free app. Be safe, be aware and be blessed....  Teresa